6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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