It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
