I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
