I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
