SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
