The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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