when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
