my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
