What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
