My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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