Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
