found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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