I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
