Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Say something about gay babies.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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