my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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