even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
