So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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