Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
