Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
