If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
