every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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