the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
