the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
