Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
