Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
