Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
