Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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