i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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