she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
