Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
