you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
