so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
