I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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