and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
