jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
