Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
