nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
