You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
