I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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