can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she woke up with a sticky ear
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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