brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
