I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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