I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
