I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
