I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
