i was rollin on her like bob the builder
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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