is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
