Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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