The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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