it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
