While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
